Swallowtail – Butterfly Kiss

“You’re mean to him,” I said to my mom, slamming the phone into its cradle. Her last words to my father were, “I’m going to call the cops on you to harass you if you call again!”

I said, “I want to talk to my father.” “Call him back. I want to talk to him.”

“He’s not supposed to call here.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want him to.”

“Why?” My voice rose a little.

“Because I said so.”

“but… “

“No, but. You’ll see him in a few days for spring break,” my mother said with tight lips.

“but… “

“Enough, Roberta, end of discussion.”

The doorbell rang and she waved at me as she answered the door to welcome Aunt Karen who was visiting from Arizona and our mail was in hand. They exchanged greetings and put the mail on the mission writing table. “It looks like there is one of the former,” she said.

“I hope it’s child support,” Mia said.

Karen leaned over to hug me and kiss him, “What’s with the long face, honey?”

“Mom won’t let me talk to my dad,” I said with a trembling lip and chin.

Karen kissed her sister’s head, catching her sister’s eye, and said, “I tell you what; I’ll take you out to lunch this weekend.”

I said, “I’ll see my parents this weekend.”

“Then we’ll do it next weekend,” she said. “Just us girls.” “We’ll have fun, I promise, okay.”

“OK.”

“Now go play outside with your dog while your mom and I do some catching up.”

“OK.”

Instead of going out, I went to my bedroom until I heard their voices fade into the den. Then I made a direct line to the phone and called my father’s number. Fearing I might be caught, I missed the call several times with a trembling hand. I am not allowed to use the phone without permission and I am also prevented from calling it.

“Welcome.” I heard his soft voice on the other end.

I answered him: “Dad.” Suddenly the phone snatched again from my wet hands.

Mom said, “What are you doing!” Furious, I shut down my dad.

“I was just… “

“Do not lie to”. She cut me off, my anger rising with every word she uttered. “I blew, you won’t see your father anymore. Go to your room and don’t come out until I call you. Do you understand?”

I punched the mail from the writing desk onto the brown Mexican tile floor. I ran outside to the backyard.

Stumbling my toe on a piece of crab, I fell and lashed my knees to the abrasive, unforgiving floor. My tears flowed unrestrained. It is not from the sting of the grains of sand embedded in my body, but from a torn heart.

Monarch, my black Labrador retriever, was sitting on my hands and knees, bowing me with a wet nose of sympathy. He watched tears fall from my sunburned checkati’s slit, pounding the deserted land.

“I miss him,” I said in his raised ear. He cried and hugged me again.

I squatted in my faded green shirt, my elbows on my leather knees; Which stands out through my freshly ripped jeans and my head rests on my hands. I’ve spotted a blue Adonis bush that my dad and I planted last year at the corner of Wolf’s walled yard. Its bud pierces the hibernating shells and will soon attract verity of butterflies.

It is amazing how my father has transformed the desert land into a paradise of rich, shiny green foliage shimmering with red, blue and purple flowers where hummingbirds and butterflies quench their thirst with sweet nectar from the flower cavities.

I remembered swinging on the porch swing with my dad’s arm around me and asking, “Dad, how come there are no yellow flowers? You know it’s my favorite color.”

“Because when the Swallowtail appears its yellow wings will pop out of the other colors. You’ll appreciate yellow so much more, you’ll see.”

A few days later, we were weeding the garden when an Adonis bright yellow spot caught my eye.

“Look, dad, look!” I said, pointing to the propeller wings.

My father slowly stood beside me and whispered, “Do you know that when you see a yellow swallowtail, it means someone is thinking of you and has sent you a butterfly kiss.”

“How do you know who sent it?” I asked.

“Who comes to your mind first when you see one?”

“Even if he’s the king?”

“Even if he’s the king.”

I soliloquy, “I’m sending my dad a butterfly kiss.” I ran inside to the mail scattered on the tile floor and picked up the envelope containing my father’s return address. I snatched a sheet of paper, a seal, and an envelope from the drawer of my writing desk, and went to my room.

In my bedroom I very carefully drew yellow butterflies on paper and signed them Butterfly Kisses, Love Roberta. After I went to the mailbox to send it, I met Karen at the front door.

“I’ve got good news, Pumpkin,” she said, “your mother allows me to take you to see your father for lunch this weekend.”

A few days later at City Limits Bistro I saw my dad sitting on the patio, and I ran to his open arms yelling, “Daddy, Daddy!”

Pulling me on his lap, he kissed me and with tears in his eyes, he said, “I missed you so much.”

“Did you get my message?” I asked.

“I’ve got it pinned to my wall,” he said, handing me a beautifully wrapped gift. “I’ve got something for you.”

I opened the envelope and revealed a wonderful surprise. There was a yellow swallowtail framed in a shadow box and wings spread to the limit. The engraved brass plate on the bottom read: Kisses, Daddy’s Love. This choked me with tears of joy.

He pulled me in his arms, and said, “When you look at it hanging on your wall, it will remind you that I always think of you with love.”

Two swallowtails danced above our heads. “This is the best day ever,” I told him and kissed him goodbye.